i have a cool friend and she has me too :)

have you ever noticed... how when you are with certain people( say A) you seem to be laughing more...
and when you are with certain other ones (say B) ... you seem to be whining more.. inturn depressing them.
does that mean you are closer to those in front of whom you laugh or those in front of whom you cant help but take out all your agonies and myseries.
not in my case.. still havent figured out why though.
maybe in front B you are not afraid to cry or be yourself and maybe you dont have to think before saying anything and put on a face in front of them and pretend everything is fine.. when its not.
maybe you get such happy vibes from A that you cant help mirror them.
maybe B doesnt realise they are doing the same thing to you.
or maybe im nowhere near to any thing remotely close to the real reason.

ahh the mysteries of human behaviour.

well today i was with one person who belong to the category A for me.
you know sometimes you feel you cant do something or you are scared you have forgotten how to..
well sculpture is one of those things for me..
and sometimes.. when you actually get to doing it...
it just comes back.. everything... the last three years of not sculpting dont seem too big after all in comparison to the 8 yrs of doing.

maybe you should actually go ahead and do it, instead of assuming for three years that you cant.
i made something entirely from memory today...
a hand, a hand that i knew the contours of, with my eyes closed.
and turns out... at least MY memory didnt fail me.
and im so happy that i went ahead and made it.
thank you anjali :)

extraordinary emotions

sometimes...
on a normal day, a normal night.
u witness extraordinary emotions.
they come out of nowhere... no certain cause.
just appear and engulf you in an amazing sense of bliss.
in the course of a normal conversation, one of the many everyday ones
this feeling wafts out lifting your hand and gently placing it on someones head.
and there is nothing more that you want to do at that moment than pray to god that all of this persons wishes are fulfilled , that nothing ever makes them sad. just blessign them without any expectations, without any other feelign except the one that u could easily die for this person.
when our mothers place thier hands on our heads they go through a similar feeling... many friends do too.
but how many of us actually feel the warmth that that hand gives us.
if u listen closely enough ,one can actually hear the sounds of beautiful wishes travelling to you.

i had never thought that a human being can feel this way... so beautiful yet so scaringly overwhelming.
the feeling of loving someone... be it your parents, siblings, friends.. so selflessly, is very rare.

and yet when you feel it, you cannot help feel so good inside that it aches from the want to show other people what it means.

this is to hoping that every human being gets to feel this way atleast once in their lifetime.
because.... really.. there is nothing better to experience.

my happy

the pursuit of happiness
can be very painful.
pushing down bubbles that are ready to explode.. creates nothing but empty spaces... vaccum rounded to perfection..
with no sharp edges ...
pleasing and harmless from the outside;
nauseatingly empty and dizzy from within.

surface tension is not just a scientific word.
collecting within, it crams my insides..
forming a bundle.. of claustrophobic feelings dying to be given an identity,
to atleast be given seperate names,
a whilpool of thoughts reside in that bubble. reaching every moment the burstin point.
yet they exist in the bubble..
ready to be pushed in , the very next time the urge to get some air beckons it.

miles to go before i sleep

distance makes the heart grow fonder...
or so the saying goes.
distance.
physical distance can be overcome, technology helps us..
the magic of a touch is worth dying for.

but what happens when the distance is not physical.

sigh..

koi mausam ka jhaunka tha
jo is deewar pe latki tasveer tirchi kar gaya hai,
gaye saawan mein ye deewarin yun seeli nahi thi..
na jaane kyun is dafa in mein seelan aa gayi hai,
dararein pad gayi hai....
aur seelan is tarah badti hai jaise,
khushq rukhsaron pe geele aanso chalte hain.
ye baarish gungunati thi
isi chat ki munderon par
ye ghar ki khidkiyon ke kaanch par ungli se likh jaati thi sandese
girti rahti hai baithi hui ab band roshandano ke peeche.
dupehrein aisi lagti hain,
bina muhron ke khaali khaane rakhein hain
na koi khelne waala hai baazi
aur na koi chaal chalta hai
na din hota hai ab na raat hoti hai sabhi kuch ruk gaya hai
wo kya mausam ka jhonka tha jo is deewar par latki hui tasweer tirchi kar gaya hai....

an excerpt from piya tora kaisa abhimaan by Gulzar

sand in my shoes.. dido

Two weeks away it feels like the world should've changed
But I'm home now
And things still look the same
I think I'll leave it to tomorrow to unpack
Try to forget for one more night That I'm back in my flat
on the road Where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can't watch sunset I don't have time I don't have time
I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you I shake it all, forget you Why, why would I want to
I know we said goodbye Anything else would've been confused but I wanna see you again Tomorrow's back to walking down to sanitation,
run a bath and clear up the mess i made before I left here
Try to remind myself that i was happy here
Before I knew that I could get on the plane and fly away
From the road where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can watch sunset
And take my time Take all our time

words

words are like sand,
they slip
unless u have brain strong and experienced enough to hold the sand and make it into a masterpiece,
it flies
never can you gather it again,
they travel in the atmosphere,
depositing as dust on someone;
in someones eye, discomfort it causes,
in shoes as memory, an unpleasant memory

careful where it may fall or fly
cause what all it causes you have no idea,
whos heart it scratches you dont know,
unless you want that,
keep the sand, firmly in your fist
or better, pour it in an hour glass,
invest it in time, for your friendship.
if you dont the time runs away pretty soon,
and again you wont know,
cause ull be too busy blowing sand in someones eye.

hurt lasts
blessings last.

to my sweetheart poodle

time goes by even before you enter it.

people walk by even before you see them.

moments go by even before you experience them.

you think you have forever ... you dont.

a birthday as i have grown up to believe has lost its meaning thanks to a certain someone. with the "whats the big deal." philosophy, nothing is ever inportant enough;

no one is ever important enough; no one moment defines happiness. sometimes, i wonder what really is the big deal....

in making someone happy, remembering them, making them feel special for just one day ?

there maybe many more, but why not one more, excusively thiers. to wish the best for someone you care for more than you thought you could care .. ever.

to just wish that god blesses them with all he has and you have.... all you want is fr them to be happy...

how difficult is to recive such a blessing?

and how easy is it to reject it by saying whats the big deal?

hurt lasts

blessings last

its a decision ... to choose either.

this is to one friend who i have learned more from than anyone else perhaps.

who has been there when i didnt need her and also when i did. to have lived together is a different thing. to have grown up together... makes the best of friends. seen thorugh the best and worst.. and yet many to come. some one who will never be forgotten no matter if she lives in austrailia or scandanavia or pluto for all i care. god bless you prachi.

today

man is a strange being, the desire of something more, something better in the future always persisits.
in ahmedabad, milan persists and in milan, ahmedabad persisits,
memories persist, people persist and the urge to be with them persists.
where does that leave today,
lived onto borrowing from yesterday and in the shadow of tomorrow?
today ....the most precious gift that god has given us.
yet it doesnt persist, perhaps in the future it will.... when it becomes yesterday.

home away from home

the noise of silence

trucks zooming be he highway at all times, people screaming, dogs barking, horns....
so annoying it always was....
never realised if it would all go like i actually wished it to.. how much i would miss it.
its defeaning here the noise is too much... the noise of silence....
i put my hands up on my ears to stop it ... and then realise stop what.... silence?
music needs to play urmi says

lessons in milan

lesson one
13 euros is not equal to 13 rs
lesson two
foriegners are not mnsters or aliens
lesson four
its not so different after after all

clouds under my wings

everything set... ready to fly .... tonight.
happy and excited, a little anxious .... a change, something new.... i will perhaps never be the same ...
saying goodbye kills me... hoping its not forever i say it happily nonetheless...
both the calming entities of my life and one more wish me luck.
coming back would have never been so precious so awaited...
as awaited as going....
so much to do ... and only 24hrs in a day ... not one more.... but thank, god not one less.
10 hours in the sky... away from gravity.. from pettiness and from trvialities of daily life travelling across continents... massive landmasses moving under my wings in a span of minutes.

cant help get romantic. the beauty of it all... breathtaking; giving a new lease of positivity to the dried up emotions.

and yet somethings seems amiss.
or someone rather?

visa itanliano

boohooooo. :(
visa trouble!!!
tension tension.....
nid i miss you!!!!

milan here i come !

found this somewhere... the painter i guess was trying to capture the essence of milan....

do i hear some excitement tippy tappying in on 3 inch of heels?? :D

royal haircut !

this particular calvin and hobbes strip makes me roll over with laughter.....

ha! what a day...!!!!

any bells ringing??? ;)

some songs linger...

some songs linger.reminding me of things i thought i forgot.of the times i would play these. of the events that happened in those days. whizzing by me all the memories i thought i had let go.... i thought.because of the habit of playing each song that i like for days together ,so that it gets internalised. each song means something to me.
just some....
i drink good coffee every morning
comes from a place thats far away
when im done i feel like talking
without u here , there is less to say.- a trying thought. peace descends.

jag ja ri gudiya
misri ki pudiya
meethe lage do naina
naino me tere hum hi base the hum hi base hai haina?- everynight sleeping myself to dreams

ye saazish hai boondo ki koi khwahish hai chup chup si dekho naa...- travelling from ahmedabad to kerala, the most memorable journey of my life.....

yesterday...
a dear friend introduced me to this song... i lived on it for months..... and months...